I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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