ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
