My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
