Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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