Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
we should paint friendship bongs
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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