So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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