worst night to have a conscience
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
