We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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