I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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