he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
