I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
