dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize