so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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