Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I want to be your penis for a week.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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