I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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