so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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