mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
