I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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