he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
