You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
