I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
