They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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