Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
