Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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