i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
