don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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