The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
