Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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