are you so shy because you have an std?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
