ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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