We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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