just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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