he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
