he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize