mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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