STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
