You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
