I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
