Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I need moral support for this bender
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
