dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
