my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
