I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You're like the curious george of whores
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
