Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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