I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize