I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There's even glitter on my cock...
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