what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
