Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize