I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
