Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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