Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
