I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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