I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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