so let's talk penis.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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