it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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