glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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