and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize