I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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