...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
