But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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