my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
