first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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