If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
