I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My penis needs a shock collar
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
