you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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