If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
