I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
