so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
