Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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