Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
